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Even after marriage there is often a dearth of appropriate communication between the spouses.
At a restaurant recently, while sitting next to a young married couple, despite trying very hard not to listen, I was amazed at how the couple was speaking about different topics and at cross-purposes to one another.
It is at this stage that the warmth and nurturing feelings of love, so necessary for a marriage to succeed, begin to occur.
Perhaps this is the feeling that some have referred to as existing only after being married for a while.
The only way this similarity can be stimulated is by spending time with members of the opposite sex at the correct stage of development.
But the Talmud in Kiddushin (41a) states that prospective spouses must meet to determine their compatibility for a proper marriage to occur. Unfortunately, there have been some changes to the system in recent years that have led to rising stress in a process that should contain both fun and excitement despite the seriousness of the goal.The goal then is not a warm, affectionate, supportive relationship but a selfish, egocentric one.Who needs a romantic relationship with a spouse or even friendship with a spouse, as long as you get what you want?To get to that stage, the psychological needs of earlier stages must be met.These include developing a sense of one’s own identity and being able to appreciate and manage social interactions.
For some it begins a bit before, and for others a bit later.