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If I were less narcissistic, I might have noticed, indeed, that my parents’ Jewish young-adulthood was very different from mine.What I mean by that is that my Jewish experience–which I thought would stay, somehow, the ongoing Jewish-American one, certainly the one shared by my children–turns out to have been specific to coming-of-age in New Jersey and New York in the 1960s and ’70s.In that world, Jews were largely Jewishly literate–they’d gone to Hebrew school, had immigrant grandparents (or sometimes parents), their families belonged to synagogues.“To say that I’d limit who I date, that I’d automatically rule someone out because they’re not Jewish–that’s offensive to people,” Sophie said. Jews are seen as white and privileged, and liberal university campuses celebrate diversity and pluralism.” Abby said, “Dating non-Jews is seen as positive, it gives you legitimacy, it proves something about you, that you’re open to other people and cultures.My girlfriend, who is half-white/Christian and half-Indian/Hindu, used to say, after I started dating her, that I had more cred now.” Fourth, the young women said that I’d find that the binary Jewish/Christian world–which classically defined ‘us’ as Jews and ‘them’ as Christians–no longer exists.
In other words, “there are multiple dimensions upon which I might experience a person as ‘us’ or ‘them,’ ‘same’ or ‘other,'” said Abby. Another minority person might feel ‘same.’ Or someone might feel, depending on the social criteria, very ‘same’ on certain levels and very ‘other’ on others.” The young women attributed feelings of “sameness” to a range of experiences and identities: “Anyone at college who identifies as religious, even if their religion is different.” “Someone of a different minority culture who’s really committed to that, intellectually and emotionally.” “If you have a complex understanding of sexuality.” “If you’ve converted and you care about being Jewish, that’s ‘same,’ but if you’re nicely acquiescing and going through the motions for me, that’s ‘other.'” “Israel is a big part of my identity, as is Hebrew–that feels ‘same.'” “Liberals–a no-brainer.” As for “other”: “The idea of a God-given Torah feels ‘other’ to me.” “Orthodox experience in which women are spectators.” “Anyone not living with white privilege, or living with food insecurity, or truly living in poverty–they’re ‘other,’ but I don’t like to confront this.” “As someone working with the poor, they don’t feel ‘other’ to me, they feel ‘same,’ but I acknowledge our differences.” “Jews who don’t identify as Jews.” “Homophobes.” And it gets complicated and paradoxical.